Once my daughter was about a year, I had gotten pregnant after switching birth control to the ring. Since I conceived on the ring, I ended up losing the baby when I took it out due to the hormones dropping.
This is how my miscarriage went in regards to bleeding and testing, if anyone is interested.
My husband at the time and I talked about ttc a second child after the M/C. I discovered what bbt charting was, and because my cycles were so irregular I thought it would help out. So I charted and we only ever moved to not preventing. I knew where I was at in my cycle, but sex happened when it did. Most of my cycles turned out to be between 35-40 days with an average lp, luteal phase, of 14.
I had even gotten a surprise early ovulation.
I thought this was normal.
Until this cycle;
This bleeding went on for six weeks, so I went to the Dr. They had originally thought I had endometriosis, so I was sent to get some ultrasounds done. I had never had one while not pregnant, and was unsure of what they could possibly find. I drank my 32 ounces of water and went to the radiologist anyway. At first they did the abdominal us, and didn't really tell me much. They used me as a learning experience so there were two ladies there, but they mostly talked to each other.
I was then allowed to get up and pee so they could do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. During this, the head tech said that I had a retroflexed uterus. (I had known this, and oddly enough depending on the time of the month and the exercises I do, it can switch to retroverted and even normal position.)
Photos from Nurturance
No sign of endo, so that was good. Then they moved to my ovaries. I believe her exact words were "Wow, you must be really fertile." I didn't know what to say to that. Sure I had been pregnant twice by this time, but I wasn't getting pregnant now that I wanted to. They finished the exam in complete silence, I could hear the clicking meaning they sure were taking a lot of pictures. I was told to go see my Dr again in about a week to see what was going on.
When I returned it was like pulling teeth to see the Dr, it was like they couldn't find my chart, or the records from radiology, and then they couldn't find the Dr. Eventually I was told right at the nurses desk that I didn't have endometriosis, but I had several tiny cysts filling both my ovaries. He said they are too small to do anything about. I asked if they could be causing my six week long period, and he said no. (I later found out that yes, anovulatory cycles can cause abnormal bleeding.) I was asked if I was serious about ttc, and since we weren't, I said no. I was put on provera to jump start a cycle and then the birth control pill with no further explanation.
In 2009 I decide to see what would happen if we ttc again. We had very little sex, I mean twice. We managed to conceive, but I lost the pregnancy soon after. I decided this time to take the advice of the ER Dr and go through it with the help of pills in hopes it would be easier than the last M/C. It wasnt, it was worse. Heavy bleeding and horrific cramps, and I threw up every time I stood up for 2 days. I decided to go back on the pill, and left my husband (unrelated).
Later on in 2009 I was reunited with an old flame. We hit it off like no time had passed, eventually we had moved in together. I had my daughter, and he had two children of his own. I eventually ran out of my birth control prescription and we went into lets see what will happen mode. Sure enough, six weeks later I was pregnant again. We were happy, collecting baby gear, going to appointments together, and discussing when we should tell the kids. We decided to wait, they were all very young. I'm glad we did. I was beginning to feel like something was very wrong. I didn't feel that connection with the baby anymore. I felt an overwhelming feeling of doom. I had an ultrasound when I should have been 12 weeks along. I know this based on several other dating ultrasounds and when I got my bfp, big fat positive. The ultrasound showed baby was at 11 weeks and it didnt look good. No heart beat when there was one a few weeks ago. I had to have a D&C. I will write about that in a later post. This loss did have a lot to do with the loss of this relationship. We avoided feelings, and each other. It dissolved a few months later.
I still didn't know what was wrong with my fertility other than I only seem to be fertile right after birth control, otherwise I have cysts that mess up my cycle and give me pain. Since I wasn't overweight and my thyroid had always been in the normal range, I didn't think I had pcos, just poly cystic ovaries. So I went on the pill simply to get away from the pain and moodiness I had.
~~~~~~~~~~
Fast forward to 2013. I have finally met my One. We have been married for a year, and I finally wanted to actively try to have a child with him. I had been on the pill for 4 years by this point, and since I knew I had irregular cycles off the pill, I was going to be hit or miss. Either I get pregnant right away, or its going to take awhile. I had read more about cysts, and PCOS. I had read that women don't need to be overweight to have it. Weight and thyroid issues aren't the only only factors, and they aren't necessary for diagnosis. I decided to try to give it some time before worrying about it.
In May had told my Dr I was stopping the pill and was starting to ttc. I expected a work up, or at least questions, but all I got is that it could take 6 months after the pill to regulate and a prescription for prenatal vitamins.
I charted and didn't ovulate by the time I normally do, so I went back. Same speech, but I begged for provera, a set of pills to bring on my period. You take the pills, one a day for 10 days and once you stop taking them, you should get af. Its the build up and withdrawal from progesterone that causes af. My temps were flat, so maybe I needed a jump start.
I still didn't o (ovulate) by cd (cycle day) 26, but I decided to wait it out and see what happens. I did end up ovulating on cd 36. Unfortunately my husband was gone for work for three weeks and we weren't able to have sex anywhere near o time. Also unfortunately I started spotting on 10 dpo (days past ovulation) and ended up with a 12 day lp. I did use soy isoflavones on the days marked for medication.
The blood test results were given to me after I had already started provera, but they showed an lh surge. At the time I thought this meant I would have ovulated soon so I was kicking myself, but in reality the spotting had to stop.
Here are the results of my blood tests:
LH--------------------------------------- 22.2
FSH--------------------------------------- 7.2
Progesterone--------------------------- 0.86
Estrogen -------------------------------- 241.6
AMH ------------------------------------ 10.63
I included links to the Wikipedia pages of the hormones, and links to
the reference ranges in the numbers. Estrogen is a tricky one, I was
given a list of where my level should be on a given time in my cycle.
This range only works for women with a 25-30 day cycle, who ovulate
around cd 14. Will not be of any help for me, or most other women with
pcos. The short story is that estrogen should be around 200 for every
mature folicle (or egg) a few days before ovulation. The AMH or
Anti-Mullerian Hormone ranges were also misleading. I was given this
range, which is totally wrong.
So my AMH, LH/FSH, poly cystic ovaries, lack of ovulation (and therefore lack of periods) acne, and unfortunately facial hair were enough to convince the DR and myself that I do indeed have polycystic ovarian syndrome. I am infertile.
~~~~~~~~~~
After I was finally heard by a dr, but before I saw my RE and got a real diagnosis, I scheduled my hsg. Apparently it is really tough to get through to any appointment line here. After a few days of trying I get through just to be sent away because my period (henceforth called af for auntflow) hadn't started. I knew it was because they needed to know that I wasn't pregnant. I tried to tell her that there was no way, as I hadn't ovulated, I was on provera so I wouldn't ovulate, and I would be starting af very soon. She wasn't having any of it. So I waited. Luckily it was only a few more days and I called on cd 1. I got a long lecture that I had to take the only appointment they had, even though it didn't work for me, or else Id have to wait for next month. Little did she know, that I wasn't going to have af next month either. I took the appointment anyway and moved things around. My husband wouldn't be able to be there because of work. I was also told that we couldn't have sex starting the day of the phone call and all the way until the end of the test, which luckily was on cd 9.
I drive myself to my appt, after popping some Tylenol. I am allergic to ibuprofen so that would have to do. I'm truly afraid of anything that goes near my cervix. I did have two iuds (one fell out of place due to incorrect insertion because of my tilted uterus, a few years later I braved it again, only to get freaked out by disappearing strings.) During the insertion of both, I very nearly passed out. My d&c was also traumatic, since I had a bad reaction to general anesthetic I opted to be awake, but numbed. Again, the second I felt the Dr at my cervix, I had a panic attack.
I almost missed the appointment, because it is equally as hard to find a parking space as it was to get someone to pick up the phone. I made it. I was so nervous because of all the blogs and vlogs I looked at telling me it was excruciatingly painful. Mine however, was not. I got to the room, changed into my paper gown (it was less than lovely), and laid on the stiffest, coldest, metal table they could have found at the request of the tech. She was very nice, and laid a lot of my worries to rest.
These are the tools they will use:
And how they will use it.
I linked to a site and a video in my previous post, telling you what an hsg is. Basically its a little tube inserted into the cervix, and held there with a balloon. This is a catheter. They inject a contrast dye and they cant have it coming back out. This dye is pushed all the way through the uterus and out the fallopian tubes while you're laying under an xray machine. The dye shows up a bright white. The xray tech is taking lots of pictures, but there is a screen for the dr to see what he is doing as well. I was able to turn and look. I couldn't tell what I was looking at and was sure both tubes were blocked. The Dr said that it was spilling just fine. I turned to the right, more pictures, I turned to the left, even more pictures. A different Dr from down the hall walked into the room without knocking, no he did not come from the door near my head. I only hope the Dr with his hand in my vagina was blocking enough of my goods.
Here are a few pictures that are not my own to show you what different results will look like:
Normal Uterus and Spillage Bicornate Uterus
Distal Tubal Blockage Totally Blocked Tubes
Pictures from Ivf-infertility
(A saline sonogram is better suited for finding polyps and fibroids, but here is what those may look like on a HSG film; fibroid on top)
As far as the pain goes, it was like intense cramping. Less pain than my d&c but similar. I got up when all was said and done to get dressed. I felt faint, but forced myself to put on the pad they handed me in case of leakage and then the rest of my clothes. I came out and the tech knew I needed to lay back down again. I felt embarrassed, but she said it happens a lot. She just had a women pass out and cut her head on that very same table. A few minutes pass by and I am good to drive myself home.
I sat on my sofa and stayed there until it was time for bed. My uterus was sore, but nothing horrible. I did start spotting, and I noticed stuff like ewcm, or egg-white cervical mucous which is a fertile type I was confused, I had also gotten a positive opk. I still don't know if it was just the dye coming out, or ewcm being "knocked loose" as some blogs have called it. I was well enough that night to have sex, I wanted to catch that egg if it was going to come out. I did not ovulate that cycle at all and I started heavily spotting two days later and it had lasted about 10 days. I was told to look out for bleeding that was heavier than a period, longer than a period, and excruciating pain. I was just about to go in to the Dr when it stopped.
So all in all my hsg wasn't as bad as I had thought. From what Ive heard its because I didn't have any blockages. However, I do know of some ladies who had no blockages and it was the worst pain of their lives, and women with blockages who felt only some discomfort. It depends on you, and your pain tolerance.
~~~~~~~~~~
I saw RE nurse this cycle, on cd 36. I had still not ovulated. (the elevated temps on my chart are only from the provera, since it raises my progesterone, and that's what the bbt detects, my temps are up). This appt was just an orientation and they explained how everything worked. I got a prescription for provera yet again and a new appt with the actual RE. I was concerned that I wouldn't have af by then and they couldn't do the necessary tests.
Dr comes back with my prescription, and requests I have a few blood tests done. It turned out to be 20 more blood tests, so I split them up.
Here is a list of the tests I got done:
First Day
RPR ------------ (syphilis)
Hcv ei ----------- (hep c)
Second Day
IGG Vari -------- (chicken pox)
ACA panel --- (clotting disorder)
Protein C ---- (clotting disorder)
Leiden protein -- (clotting disorder)
Vit d 250 h ------ (vitamin d)Protien S free -- (clotting disorder)
And last but not least a panel that consisted of HCG QN (thats the one that will give you a number), LH, Prolactin, Estrodiol (estrogen), Progesterone, and a CMP which is a comprehensive metabolic panel.
I do not have these test results back yet, but I will update when I do. I am trying to make an appointment around mid February.
When all was said and done, it took me 10 whole days off the provera
pills to finally start af. This was very new to me as it had always only
took about 2 days. I had called in on the tenth day when she was still a
no show and did a few more blood tests. The nurse had called back the
next day to tell me that all the hormones were quiet, yet my
progesterone was still a tad high. I needed to wait for it to lower a
little more. I started af that day. Now I am curious as to what my
progesterone was on that day. It would be interesting to see how fast it
had to have dropped for af to start. I will update if I ever find out.
~~~~~~~~~~
I finally called today about my blood tests I did in
November. Most of these were for rpl, or repeated pregnancy loss, which
means three or more lost pregnancies.
I was not concerned with this, since I knew my losses had a lot to do with what I was doing. With one, I was on the ring during conception and I'm sure it was the withdrawal that caused the loss. The next was a very early loss, I figured it happens to a lot of women, and they are very common. The third was a 12 week loss (stopped growing at 11). I know I was very sick, and taking medication that I was not supposed to be taking during pregnancy. I was sure this was the reason.
I was not concerned with this, since I knew my losses had a lot to do with what I was doing. With one, I was on the ring during conception and I'm sure it was the withdrawal that caused the loss. The next was a very early loss, I figured it happens to a lot of women, and they are very common. The third was a 12 week loss (stopped growing at 11). I know I was very sick, and taking medication that I was not supposed to be taking during pregnancy. I was sure this was the reason.
So the nurse calls back and says most of my tests are
normal. Testosterone is normal, which actually surprised me. Prolactin,
estrogen, progesterone, all within normal ranges. Until we get to
vitamin d, which is low, and ACA, which is anti cordiolipin antibody and
high.
I do not know what the vitamin d deficiency means in
regards to pregnancy, however it is something I suspected before. The
thing that surprised me is that I've been taking vitamin d 3 with
calcium for months now, and had been at the time of the test. So that
could mean I wasn't taking enough, or either my kidneys or intestines
are not allowing it to be absorbed correctly.
The ACA is for a clotting disorder. This is the only thing I was told. Obviously that can affect my lining and cause MCs.
I'm scheduled for a redraw next week and I'm going into the
office this week to get a print out of the last tests. I will share
when I get them.
I am also waiting to have my iui consult scheduled. After
several annovulatory cycles, and a failed Clomid and failed femara
cycle, I don't want to waste anymore time on just pills. I really think
injectable medication is the way to go. Since iui in combination
increases our chances and isn't that expensive, we are going to do
both.
I am pretty nervous now, at first it was only the thought
of moving on to iui, but now to find out if my new blood tests are
normal as well.
~~~~~~~~~~
Last cycle I tried Clomid and it was a bust. Since I had the horrible
side affects, when I called my re to tell them it was cd 35 and I had
nothing to show for it, I asked if we could do anything else. I was
hoping for injectables because I didn't think Femara was covered by
Tricare. It turns out it is, so along with my almost monthly round of bs
blood testing, I picked up my new prescription of Femara.
I was excited because I had heard that women who don't respond to Clomid, usually do well on Femara.
My cycle started out normal enough, I started my pills (5 mg) on cd 4, took them for 5 days, then started opks. I started them seriously on cd 9, the day after my last pill. They were all fairly dark, I will put a link to them so you can see the progression. CD 11, 12, and 13 had positives through the day. Not quite as dark as I wanted but the were at least as dark as the control line. I was surprised they were positive so early. I also had noticeable watery cm, which is the second most fertile cm, and even a tad bit of ewcm. My cp was relatively high, not where it was the only time I od before, but I couldn't reach os to feel how open it was. Since it was open the day before, and the day after, I marked open.
CD 11
CD 12
CD 13
On CD 13, the day I was sure o would happen due to the opks, cm, cp, and ferning I had, I had a horrible toothache. I went to the dentist and it turned out I needed to have a tooth pulled. The very next day, I got my temp shift. I watched for signs of a fever, but had none. I figured was in the clear when CD 15 was still high. CD 16, what was supposed to be 3dpo brought a much lower temp. I was sleeping with my mouth open, so I went back to sleep and returned. In the past 15 days, my temp has gone up and down. At times as low as my pre o temps. I wanted to chalk it up to a low grade fever and no o, but then the temp would go back up. However during a temp in the middle of the day, I got a strange reading. 94.88, I know I was not hypothermic at this point, but several retemps gave me similar readings. Since then I haven't really trusted my temps. I also had nice post o symptoms like sore breasts and break outs, so I let my unicorn roam anyway and started using hpts at 6dpo (because I had them).
Bfns until what I thought was 10dpo. I got a faint positive line on an
IC. I dipped a frer in the same fmu, and got nothing. I was so sad. I
googled, and found that some women get a positive on a wondfo earlier
than a frer so I waited to be disappointed on 12 dpo. And I was. And
again on 14 dpo.
Today would be 15 dpo and the day af is due, I have now accepted that I
have not ovulated and since so much time has passed since my last Femara
dose, that I will not any time soon.
~~~~~~~~~~
I had my appointment update to talk to my doctor about my new plan of
care. The original plan was to take clomid cd3-7 for 3 cycles. Sine I
didn't ovulate and had horrible side affects, they switched me to
femara, to take for 2 cycles. That didn't get me to o either, so I asked
to do an iui with injectables sooner rater than take the meds that
didn't work for another cycle. I was worried the DR was going to send me
on my way and make me take femara again. I expressed my fears to DH and
he told me he would be there with me and he'd make them listen.
We get there and luckily the RE office is open (when I got my results they were closed and I had to go and wait in the obs office for them among all the pregnant women.) Here there was a woman with a young child and another that had a newborn. This doesn't bother me so much as I know they had issues just like I did. I realize that the pregnant women's fertility has no effect on my own, it just makes me realize what I cant have and makes me sad and jealous. DH and I actually got into a fight about this. He said that he feels like he is walking on eggshells around me and has to tiptoe around IF and pregnancy topics. This is not the case, I merely want to talk about them, and yes I get upset, and yes he is the only one I can talk to about them.
I digress. DH is sitting beside me and I an on the exam table. DH makes a note that he would rather be on a swivel chair with rollers, and I tell him hes pushing enough buttons and casing enough trouble as it is. He also points out a sign that says in bold font, "Do Not Under Any Circumstances Unplug This Device". Its placed right above an empty socket and I cant help but wonder what was there before that was so important to be kept plugged in.
We wait some more, and I'm getting more nervous. Finally the DR shows up and I explain why we are there. He tells me to my surprise, that the route I wanted to go, was exactly what he would have me do. I sighed with relief as DH gave me some sort of I told-you-so look. DR then asks what I know of iuis, and rather than spew out all the stories and research I learned about from Dr Google and BBC, I shyly replied with "I have to get shots and get ultrasounds right?" He said yes, Ill take provera rather than what for af, call in on cd 1 to set up a baseline US to see where my follicles are on cd 3. Barring any cysts (which I am now worried about) I get my injectable meds and watch a video to see how to give them to myself (or for DH to give them to me). Ill do this as long as they tell me, and have a few more US to see how they are growing. Then, when they get to a certain size, I trigger, which is a different injectable med. This will be HCG the pregnancy hormone. It acts like LH and should get my to finally ovulate. Since I love to POAS I will likely be testing it out, and watching for it to come back, signaling a real pregnancy. The iui will be scheduled for about 36 hours after the trigger. DH will provide his sample that moring, and they will insert another catheter in my uterus to place the semen inside. Then I wait two weeks. My first real TWW. Here is a link to Stanford's Clinic and how they do iuis. Mine will be like the injectable gonadotropin medication cycle. Here is a YouTube video with 3d animation, showing how an iui is preformed.
After we discussed this, I asked how my redraw test results looked. My cardiolipin was still high, but since it was only one number, he said it will not affect my day to day life. He only recommends that I take a baby aspirin a day, once I find out I'm pregnant. As for the vitamin D, It shot up to 88. A huge jump from less that 30. He explained that it was now elevated, however they do not know what this means. The recommendations for this vitamin vary and since it isn't low, it is nothing to worry about. I have decided myself, that I will only be taking my vitamin d every other week, in hopes it may be a normal number eventually.
Then we went off to get DHs sample cup, so he can finally have his SA done. He will be submitting this soon, and we should hear back fairly quickly. As always I will update with the results.
We get there and luckily the RE office is open (when I got my results they were closed and I had to go and wait in the obs office for them among all the pregnant women.) Here there was a woman with a young child and another that had a newborn. This doesn't bother me so much as I know they had issues just like I did. I realize that the pregnant women's fertility has no effect on my own, it just makes me realize what I cant have and makes me sad and jealous. DH and I actually got into a fight about this. He said that he feels like he is walking on eggshells around me and has to tiptoe around IF and pregnancy topics. This is not the case, I merely want to talk about them, and yes I get upset, and yes he is the only one I can talk to about them.
I digress. DH is sitting beside me and I an on the exam table. DH makes a note that he would rather be on a swivel chair with rollers, and I tell him hes pushing enough buttons and casing enough trouble as it is. He also points out a sign that says in bold font, "Do Not Under Any Circumstances Unplug This Device". Its placed right above an empty socket and I cant help but wonder what was there before that was so important to be kept plugged in.
We wait some more, and I'm getting more nervous. Finally the DR shows up and I explain why we are there. He tells me to my surprise, that the route I wanted to go, was exactly what he would have me do. I sighed with relief as DH gave me some sort of I told-you-so look. DR then asks what I know of iuis, and rather than spew out all the stories and research I learned about from Dr Google and BBC, I shyly replied with "I have to get shots and get ultrasounds right?" He said yes, Ill take provera rather than what for af, call in on cd 1 to set up a baseline US to see where my follicles are on cd 3. Barring any cysts (which I am now worried about) I get my injectable meds and watch a video to see how to give them to myself (or for DH to give them to me). Ill do this as long as they tell me, and have a few more US to see how they are growing. Then, when they get to a certain size, I trigger, which is a different injectable med. This will be HCG the pregnancy hormone. It acts like LH and should get my to finally ovulate. Since I love to POAS I will likely be testing it out, and watching for it to come back, signaling a real pregnancy. The iui will be scheduled for about 36 hours after the trigger. DH will provide his sample that moring, and they will insert another catheter in my uterus to place the semen inside. Then I wait two weeks. My first real TWW. Here is a link to Stanford's Clinic and how they do iuis. Mine will be like the injectable gonadotropin medication cycle. Here is a YouTube video with 3d animation, showing how an iui is preformed.
After we discussed this, I asked how my redraw test results looked. My cardiolipin was still high, but since it was only one number, he said it will not affect my day to day life. He only recommends that I take a baby aspirin a day, once I find out I'm pregnant. As for the vitamin D, It shot up to 88. A huge jump from less that 30. He explained that it was now elevated, however they do not know what this means. The recommendations for this vitamin vary and since it isn't low, it is nothing to worry about. I have decided myself, that I will only be taking my vitamin d every other week, in hopes it may be a normal number eventually.
Then we went off to get DHs sample cup, so he can finally have his SA done. He will be submitting this soon, and we should hear back fairly quickly. As always I will update with the results.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry I didn't update last week. Ive been all over the place trying to relax.
DHs semen analysis came back recently. Count was great at 55 million, volume was good at 3.1 ml, motility was less than desirable at 33%. They want to see this at at least 40-45% for IUI. DHs problem probably could have been the hold. It was at least 4 days, probably 5. Usually they would ask us to come back in 90 days, but since we will do an IUI this cycle they will do a recount then. Hopefully with a better hold.
I had my cd3 appointment last week. DH was able to come and that made me very happy. Then I realized how much of me he would see. I'm still self conscious about certain times of the month, I'm sure by cd3 you know what I mean. So I had him turn around while I got undressed and draped my sheet over myself. The bed was a lot lower than I'm used to, but it made it a little more comforting. I was comforted even more when the nurses walked in, I feel better when its a female sticking things inside me rather than my male RE.
This is obviously a trans-vaginal us, used to see smaller details. They looked at my lining, and measured a few follicles in my ovaries. I say a few, I mean I had a lot! At least 8 in each one. The largest on each side was an 8mm. This means I had two 8mm. The others were around 5-6mm. My lining at this time was 5mm. She said this was good, and I was still bleeding at this point.
This is not my picture, but this will give you an idea of what you will see on an initial scan;
Here is an ovary with lots of follicles(bigger than you will probably see at the first appt.) The next picture is a side view of the uterus, they measure the lining across the white line you see. (again, this is probably thicker than you would see on cd3.) Photos from Infertility Books.com
Along these lines, Id like to compare a few types of ovaries. I have pcos, and poly-cystic ovaries. I have a lot of medium sized follicles. The normal ovaries will have one or two large follies and several small ones, then eventually ovulate the mature one. Most of us will pcos, just stick with medium sized ones because our hormones don't know what to do.
Here are three types of ovaries from a picture I found in an online book called "Advancements and Breakthroughs in Ultrasound Imaging" found here. Lots of other really cool information there as well.
That part was fairly quick, she printed out some images and had me dress and then wait in the waiting room. After 15 or so minutes we get handed a bag and some consent forms. Basically they say if we back out, we need to return the meds, and we could have twins or more on meds like this. Then she shows me the type of injections I'll be using.
Its Gonal-F and it comes in a nifty pen. Its pretty cool, and seems simple enough; you dial a dosage on one end, clean the tip with an alcohol wipe, put the needle on, pull the plunger out, pinch some skin near the belly button, insert, inject, leave in for 5 seconds before pulling out. Done! They had me practice on a stress ball to make sure I had the steps down. I wanted to be able to do my own shots, but I also wanted DH to be a part of it. (Plus I wimped out). I figured since sex wasn't going to make a baby, he should stick something in me in order to get me pregnant. It also brings us closer together.
I have a few tips, but keep in mind I'm still a newbie and don't know everything;
This brings me to my next appointment on CD 8. I had been experiencing some cramping and was hoping that meant those follies were growing, but I had been disappointed before so I didn't want to get my hopes up. This appointment went a lot faster. I checked in early, they took me in early (DH was still parking!).
My lining had thickened to 12mm, which is great. Most of my follicles grew. I had 3 13s, a 12, a 10 and a 7 in my right, and in my left I had a few 13s, 10s, 11s, and a whopping 17mm! She said she wanted them a little bigger than that one, and she was aiming for a few around that size. At this time she told me, pending my blood test results for estrogen, we'd probably lower my dose and come in later this week.
I get the call back and my estrogen was pretty high at 992. It has always hovered around 300 with my pcos, so I'm glad its doing something now. However, my nurse wants to keep an eye on this and thinks lowering my FSH will help this out. I can wait to see what the next for days hold!
DHs semen analysis came back recently. Count was great at 55 million, volume was good at 3.1 ml, motility was less than desirable at 33%. They want to see this at at least 40-45% for IUI. DHs problem probably could have been the hold. It was at least 4 days, probably 5. Usually they would ask us to come back in 90 days, but since we will do an IUI this cycle they will do a recount then. Hopefully with a better hold.
I had my cd3 appointment last week. DH was able to come and that made me very happy. Then I realized how much of me he would see. I'm still self conscious about certain times of the month, I'm sure by cd3 you know what I mean. So I had him turn around while I got undressed and draped my sheet over myself. The bed was a lot lower than I'm used to, but it made it a little more comforting. I was comforted even more when the nurses walked in, I feel better when its a female sticking things inside me rather than my male RE.
This is obviously a trans-vaginal us, used to see smaller details. They looked at my lining, and measured a few follicles in my ovaries. I say a few, I mean I had a lot! At least 8 in each one. The largest on each side was an 8mm. This means I had two 8mm. The others were around 5-6mm. My lining at this time was 5mm. She said this was good, and I was still bleeding at this point.
This is not my picture, but this will give you an idea of what you will see on an initial scan;
Here is an ovary with lots of follicles(bigger than you will probably see at the first appt.) The next picture is a side view of the uterus, they measure the lining across the white line you see. (again, this is probably thicker than you would see on cd3.) Photos from Infertility Books.com
Along these lines, Id like to compare a few types of ovaries. I have pcos, and poly-cystic ovaries. I have a lot of medium sized follicles. The normal ovaries will have one or two large follies and several small ones, then eventually ovulate the mature one. Most of us will pcos, just stick with medium sized ones because our hormones don't know what to do.
Here are three types of ovaries from a picture I found in an online book called "Advancements and Breakthroughs in Ultrasound Imaging" found here. Lots of other really cool information there as well.
That part was fairly quick, she printed out some images and had me dress and then wait in the waiting room. After 15 or so minutes we get handed a bag and some consent forms. Basically they say if we back out, we need to return the meds, and we could have twins or more on meds like this. Then she shows me the type of injections I'll be using.
Its Gonal-F and it comes in a nifty pen. Its pretty cool, and seems simple enough; you dial a dosage on one end, clean the tip with an alcohol wipe, put the needle on, pull the plunger out, pinch some skin near the belly button, insert, inject, leave in for 5 seconds before pulling out. Done! They had me practice on a stress ball to make sure I had the steps down. I wanted to be able to do my own shots, but I also wanted DH to be a part of it. (Plus I wimped out). I figured since sex wasn't going to make a baby, he should stick something in me in order to get me pregnant. It also brings us closer together.
I have a few tips, but keep in mind I'm still a newbie and don't know everything;
- Keep everything together. I have a little bag I bought that is designed for make-up, but its the perfect size. In my county, used needles only have to be disposed of in a hard plastic container that is taped shut. I have an old vitamin bottle to serve as my sharps container. I do know that Walmart and Target sell real ones in store. Also inside this bag I have the box that has my pen and needles in it, and a smaller bag with gauze, bandaids, and alcohol wipes in it.
- Keep it in a location where you wont forget about it. Don't just shove everything to the back of a drawer or cabinet. It should be easy and hassle free to get to so you can take your injections when you need to. DH does my injections in the living room so I put my bag in a decorative basket. This sits on a side table that is easy for me to get to, but out of the way of the dogs.
- Lay everything out that you will be using. I clear off the coffee table and set everything down there. I pull out two alcohol wipes(it helps that they come together like that), a bandaid (I unwrap it from its outer package first), I remove the pen and a needle, and then I set my basket/bag out of sight.
- Be clean! Wash your hands, have your DH/DW/SO/BFF whoever it may be that is helping you, wash their hands. You'll be injecting this stuff more than once and you do not want an infection. Make sure your surface is clean before laying everything out as well. Keep the needle covered until you are ready to use it.
- I prefer to sit down. Its more comfortable, and I get the maximum amount of fat in my midsection this way.
- When you wipe your skin, wait for it to dry. It will sting worse if there is wet alcohol on it. Don't wipe it with anything or it wont be sterile anymore.
- Let go of the skin before you pull the needle out. I had a few days where medicine came back out even when we held the needle in for 20 seconds. After googling a solution, I found that if you pinch, stick, hold, let go, hold some more, and then pull out I get less leakage.
- Put pressure on the site with clean gauze. It shouldn't bleed much, but putting pressure on it lessens the chance of bruising.
- Have fun with bandaids. I learned this watching a you-tuber, she has barbie bandaids. I saw some cute unicorn ones on Amazon. For now I just have purple and blue. Again, you don't bleed much, but since I'm getting stuck so often I want to keep germs out as much as I can.
This brings me to my next appointment on CD 8. I had been experiencing some cramping and was hoping that meant those follies were growing, but I had been disappointed before so I didn't want to get my hopes up. This appointment went a lot faster. I checked in early, they took me in early (DH was still parking!).
My lining had thickened to 12mm, which is great. Most of my follicles grew. I had 3 13s, a 12, a 10 and a 7 in my right, and in my left I had a few 13s, 10s, 11s, and a whopping 17mm! She said she wanted them a little bigger than that one, and she was aiming for a few around that size. At this time she told me, pending my blood test results for estrogen, we'd probably lower my dose and come in later this week.
I get the call back and my estrogen was pretty high at 992. It has always hovered around 300 with my pcos, so I'm glad its doing something now. However, my nurse wants to keep an eye on this and thinks lowering my FSH will help this out. I can wait to see what the next for days hold!
~~~~~~~~~~
I had my CD 10 scan last week and was getting really excited. I had
some follies finally growing and one good one. Since my estrogen was
high, I was put on a lower dose of Gonal-F and told to come back.
I was sure this was it. I just knew my 17mm was a good size now and that I would trigger and possibly have my IUI on Friday.
Until they started the scan. My 17 was now a 19 and my 13s were now 15s and 17s. The rest were between 14 and 10. I had 11 follicles between 20 and 14. The cycle was canceled when my estrogen came back at over 2000. I cried in the office, but hid it. I cried at home. I cried more when I got the total confirmation from the Dr later that day. We were told not to have sex and that I would probably have some horrible side affects coming down from my hormones.
I turned to my trusted bbc friends and asked what they would do in my situation, given my numbers. Most of the responses I got were that they would continue anyway. Bd at home. My follicles were not all ready to go yet, and odds are they wouldn't all be released let alone fertilized. I talked to dh and he was on board with continuing anyway. We would prefer twins actually. We know about selective reduction, its a controversial topic, but if it came to life or death we would have to go that route.
Well, come six o'clock that evening, my nipples started to hurt. This was one sign I had the last time I ovulated in July of last year. Since I knew I had at least two mature follicles at this point, my cp was high soft and open, and my cm had been like eggwhites, this was the icing on the cake. I was certain I would ovulate that night. The choice to bd was moot now as we had sex the night before. We had sex again this night, and sure enough my temp spiked the next am.
I was a little mad that the nurses and drs assured me they would be on top of this and that they would be able to catch my egg with the iui. I mean, if the cycle hadn't been canceled, I would had maybe had the hcg trigger shot (which is would acts like an artificial lh surge and gives the follies one more growth spurt and kicks them out) and an IUI 24-36 hours later. This would have been too late. Its possible to ovulate again with another egg later, but I was still upset.
I am what I believe to be 4dpo today, I just had another blood draw and Im waiting for those results.
I was sure this was it. I just knew my 17mm was a good size now and that I would trigger and possibly have my IUI on Friday.
Until they started the scan. My 17 was now a 19 and my 13s were now 15s and 17s. The rest were between 14 and 10. I had 11 follicles between 20 and 14. The cycle was canceled when my estrogen came back at over 2000. I cried in the office, but hid it. I cried at home. I cried more when I got the total confirmation from the Dr later that day. We were told not to have sex and that I would probably have some horrible side affects coming down from my hormones.
I turned to my trusted bbc friends and asked what they would do in my situation, given my numbers. Most of the responses I got were that they would continue anyway. Bd at home. My follicles were not all ready to go yet, and odds are they wouldn't all be released let alone fertilized. I talked to dh and he was on board with continuing anyway. We would prefer twins actually. We know about selective reduction, its a controversial topic, but if it came to life or death we would have to go that route.
Well, come six o'clock that evening, my nipples started to hurt. This was one sign I had the last time I ovulated in July of last year. Since I knew I had at least two mature follicles at this point, my cp was high soft and open, and my cm had been like eggwhites, this was the icing on the cake. I was certain I would ovulate that night. The choice to bd was moot now as we had sex the night before. We had sex again this night, and sure enough my temp spiked the next am.
I was a little mad that the nurses and drs assured me they would be on top of this and that they would be able to catch my egg with the iui. I mean, if the cycle hadn't been canceled, I would had maybe had the hcg trigger shot (which is would acts like an artificial lh surge and gives the follies one more growth spurt and kicks them out) and an IUI 24-36 hours later. This would have been too late. Its possible to ovulate again with another egg later, but I was still upset.
I am what I believe to be 4dpo today, I just had another blood draw and Im waiting for those results.
~~~~~~~~~~
So I got the call back yesterday. My estrogen went from 2175 to 33.9
This signifies that I did ovulate. However my progesterone went from .9
to .59 This looks like I didn't ovulate at all. My chart shows ovulation
however, and I got a dip in my temp on cd15.
After a lot of research and wondering what the heck would possibly be going on, I ask for another call back. As Im researching what temp dips at 5dpo could mean I come across the corpus luteum dip. This is where we get a secondary surge of estrogen and the corpus luteum starts producing more progesterone. After ovulation, before the empty follicle turns into the corpus luteum, it is the corpus hemorrhagicum and this only produces a lower amount of progesterone. I sit and hope that this is what is happening today, and that maybe this is why my progesterone was so low at 3.5 dpo. I sit and wonder this only until I start spotting. Hopes are dashed as I realized I truly only had a 5 day lp.It makes me sad, because according to this diagram, the eggs barely had the chance to enter my uterus.
A few hours later I finally get my call back and I ask about what the low progesterone means. At first she brushed it off because of course it is supposed to lower at the end of the luteal phase in order to bring on a period. I tell her I know that, but why was my lp only 4 days? I start to feel even more frustrated because she isnt believing me when I tell her I ovulated the night of the appointment. She says my lh surge was never detected. I think no crap, you didn't test every day. I leave this alone and pretend she believes me when I move on to my next concern; what if you miss my lh surge again and I ovulate before the iui? She assures me in a cycle that's not canceled they would have seen me on the next day and scanned then as well. I really don't know if I buy this. They assume they control everything and that I wouldn't ovulate next time without the trigger shot. I think I shot that assumption down with this cycle as proof.
Anyway, af arrived today on cd 16. I called for my appt, and will be requesting that they pay closer attention to my lh and maybe listen to me if I end up getting a surge at home. I do NOT want to have to pay for an iui after I already ovulated. As for the lp defect, it could just be from the overstimulating, and the excess estrogen I had all cycle, and then the abrupt end of the injections, but I will be using progesterone gel after the iui next time. In fact, I'm really hoping all of this is just because of that and that next cycle will go smoothly regardless of it ending in a bfp.
After a lot of research and wondering what the heck would possibly be going on, I ask for another call back. As Im researching what temp dips at 5dpo could mean I come across the corpus luteum dip. This is where we get a secondary surge of estrogen and the corpus luteum starts producing more progesterone. After ovulation, before the empty follicle turns into the corpus luteum, it is the corpus hemorrhagicum and this only produces a lower amount of progesterone. I sit and hope that this is what is happening today, and that maybe this is why my progesterone was so low at 3.5 dpo. I sit and wonder this only until I start spotting. Hopes are dashed as I realized I truly only had a 5 day lp.It makes me sad, because according to this diagram, the eggs barely had the chance to enter my uterus.
A few hours later I finally get my call back and I ask about what the low progesterone means. At first she brushed it off because of course it is supposed to lower at the end of the luteal phase in order to bring on a period. I tell her I know that, but why was my lp only 4 days? I start to feel even more frustrated because she isnt believing me when I tell her I ovulated the night of the appointment. She says my lh surge was never detected. I think no crap, you didn't test every day. I leave this alone and pretend she believes me when I move on to my next concern; what if you miss my lh surge again and I ovulate before the iui? She assures me in a cycle that's not canceled they would have seen me on the next day and scanned then as well. I really don't know if I buy this. They assume they control everything and that I wouldn't ovulate next time without the trigger shot. I think I shot that assumption down with this cycle as proof.
Anyway, af arrived today on cd 16. I called for my appt, and will be requesting that they pay closer attention to my lh and maybe listen to me if I end up getting a surge at home. I do NOT want to have to pay for an iui after I already ovulated. As for the lp defect, it could just be from the overstimulating, and the excess estrogen I had all cycle, and then the abrupt end of the injections, but I will be using progesterone gel after the iui next time. In fact, I'm really hoping all of this is just because of that and that next cycle will go smoothly regardless of it ending in a bfp.
~~~~~~~~~~
I just got through with my cd 3 baseline appointment. It looks like the
only thing that happened was I ovulated the 19mm. The crash from the
estrogen somehow caused af to show early. The nurses said that happens.
All of the rest of the follies are still there. I still have a 17, 15, a
few 13s, she stopped measuring at that point. They told me that
sometimes after an overstimulated cycle the body just needs to rest.
After the scan I had my blood drawn, and it was completely painless. I have never had that happen before. Well my hormones are looking good and quiet right now. They are hoping they stay that way and that the cysts will shrink over the next 2 weeks. Im hoping it can still grow and be ovulated naturally and become my take home baby or thb.
I asked the nurse what would happen if they do not shrink. I was told that sometimes a good cycle will clear it up. Going on the birth control pill is always an option and I think that is actually the route I want to take. I have only ever conceived the first month off birth control, or while still on it. I think this will give my body a chance to reset, and start fresh. Hopefully I wont have a ton of little 6-8mm follies in there to try and balance.
This is all so frustrating. I'm just starting my tenth month attc and I haven't yet been able to "try". I told dh today that I was losing hope. He was concerned, but I assured him this didn't mean I was giving up, but I no longer have that "I just know its going to happen this time" feeling. Ive given everything a shot and they all either don't work, or they backfire. Its disappointing.
I even got my hopes up last cycle. The follicles were growing and I started thinking about the baby's room again and even got it all cleaned up. Shampooed the carpets and washed the walls. I set up the guest bed and put up these giant maps I had that I hope to tie into the nursery theme I want. Now I feel so let down, and even silly for having that hope.
Anyway. We are going to try naturally for the next 2 weeks and hope something happens on its own, or miraculously clears up.
After the scan I had my blood drawn, and it was completely painless. I have never had that happen before. Well my hormones are looking good and quiet right now. They are hoping they stay that way and that the cysts will shrink over the next 2 weeks. Im hoping it can still grow and be ovulated naturally and become my take home baby or thb.
I asked the nurse what would happen if they do not shrink. I was told that sometimes a good cycle will clear it up. Going on the birth control pill is always an option and I think that is actually the route I want to take. I have only ever conceived the first month off birth control, or while still on it. I think this will give my body a chance to reset, and start fresh. Hopefully I wont have a ton of little 6-8mm follies in there to try and balance.
This is all so frustrating. I'm just starting my tenth month attc and I haven't yet been able to "try". I told dh today that I was losing hope. He was concerned, but I assured him this didn't mean I was giving up, but I no longer have that "I just know its going to happen this time" feeling. Ive given everything a shot and they all either don't work, or they backfire. Its disappointing.
I even got my hopes up last cycle. The follicles were growing and I started thinking about the baby's room again and even got it all cleaned up. Shampooed the carpets and washed the walls. I set up the guest bed and put up these giant maps I had that I hope to tie into the nursery theme I want. Now I feel so let down, and even silly for having that hope.
Anyway. We are going to try naturally for the next 2 weeks and hope something happens on its own, or miraculously clears up.
~~~~~~~~~~
So I just had my appointment on cd 17. This is two weeks after they
found my cysts from the overstimulated cycle were still there on cd3.
I was very negative going in. I didn't think they would go away as I was still having pains in my ovaries daily. To me this meant at the very least they were still there if not growing. I was hoping they were bursting and would be gone, but I didn't think that was the case. I prepared myself for at least a month of the pill to help keep my hormones at bay, then DR Google informed me that even that might not work. Since I didn't think anything would come of this cycle I told dh not to come. There was no point in him leaving work for a huge disappointment.
The night before the appointment (during bd no less) I had a really sharp pain near my uterus. I was fairly certain this time it was a cyst bursting.
I get in the stirrups, and am completely nervous. I just know I'm going to be told there is nothing they can do for me. I explain my pain and they are very concerned so they call the dr in. They see a thin (for me) lining at 7mm, and several fairly small follicles in each ovary, no big ones! I'm shocked.
They did notice blood flow, which means my ovaries are fine after the over-stimulation. They also saw free fluid, which means I did have a cyst burst. This is great, because if it didn't burst it would have still been there and the pill would have been the only option.
Here comes the frustrating part, I had to explain to them what was going on and why I was there. They assumed that this cycle was the canceled cycle. Then they were confused as to what I wanted to do next. They told me to wait for my period! Uh as a women who no longer ovulates, I also no longer get my period, I about cried when I asked to start the meds now, or at the very least provera. They said they would call me back once my blood work was in. If my levels were low enough I could start stimming that night! on cd17! I was getting excited, and nervous.
I get the call back a few hours later and I'm told my levels are quite so wait for a period and call back! Ahh I wanted to scream and cry, in fact I started to cry. Luckily, she did follow up by asking what the plan was. So I asked if I could start the shots. I get put on hold, and pace the house. I had the hope that was just renewed that morning and I didn't want it to be ripped away by the afternoon.
After a 5 minute hold that seemed to take too long, she told me that if I still had my gonal f pen and needles, I could start them up again. Since Im starting the lower dose, I have enough meds, but I'm running low on needles. I have a new appointment soon, so I can get a refill then, just in time.
I'm so worried that this wont work. I will update after my next appointment.
I was very negative going in. I didn't think they would go away as I was still having pains in my ovaries daily. To me this meant at the very least they were still there if not growing. I was hoping they were bursting and would be gone, but I didn't think that was the case. I prepared myself for at least a month of the pill to help keep my hormones at bay, then DR Google informed me that even that might not work. Since I didn't think anything would come of this cycle I told dh not to come. There was no point in him leaving work for a huge disappointment.
The night before the appointment (during bd no less) I had a really sharp pain near my uterus. I was fairly certain this time it was a cyst bursting.
I get in the stirrups, and am completely nervous. I just know I'm going to be told there is nothing they can do for me. I explain my pain and they are very concerned so they call the dr in. They see a thin (for me) lining at 7mm, and several fairly small follicles in each ovary, no big ones! I'm shocked.
They did notice blood flow, which means my ovaries are fine after the over-stimulation. They also saw free fluid, which means I did have a cyst burst. This is great, because if it didn't burst it would have still been there and the pill would have been the only option.
Here comes the frustrating part, I had to explain to them what was going on and why I was there. They assumed that this cycle was the canceled cycle. Then they were confused as to what I wanted to do next. They told me to wait for my period! Uh as a women who no longer ovulates, I also no longer get my period, I about cried when I asked to start the meds now, or at the very least provera. They said they would call me back once my blood work was in. If my levels were low enough I could start stimming that night! on cd17! I was getting excited, and nervous.
I get the call back a few hours later and I'm told my levels are quite so wait for a period and call back! Ahh I wanted to scream and cry, in fact I started to cry. Luckily, she did follow up by asking what the plan was. So I asked if I could start the shots. I get put on hold, and pace the house. I had the hope that was just renewed that morning and I didn't want it to be ripped away by the afternoon.
After a 5 minute hold that seemed to take too long, she told me that if I still had my gonal f pen and needles, I could start them up again. Since Im starting the lower dose, I have enough meds, but I'm running low on needles. I have a new appointment soon, so I can get a refill then, just in time.
I'm so worried that this wont work. I will update after my next appointment.
~~~~~~~~~~
Well I've had 4 more scans and blood draws since my last post. I didn't write since not much went on.
The first appt after starting 37.5 showed no growth. Lining was the same and so were the follicles.
Second appt showed maybe two at 10mm and the rest under. Several under 10 was what they said. Lining grew one mm. Was told to bump the dose back to 75. I was worried because this is the dose that overstimmed me last time. My dr told me not to worry because my estrogen was still low, but climbing slowly.
Third is where they found only one more mm on my lining, so now its 8. As for the follicles, I had an 11 and about 5 tens. My estrogen was above 300 according to my call back. I was told we were going to try to salvage the cycle with another bump in the dose to 112.5 for two days and I got really nervous. She acted like too many follies were responding and I was going to be cancelled again.
This morning is appt four. I have four 12s and three 14s. They are really only looking at the 14s. My lining is at 13 now. I'm waiting for a call about the blood work. She says she not sure if an iui would be done this cycle because I have a lot going on, but she's at least confident enough to hand me a trigger shot. 250ug Ovidrel that I wait for the go ahead to give to myself.
The first appt after starting 37.5 showed no growth. Lining was the same and so were the follicles.
Second appt showed maybe two at 10mm and the rest under. Several under 10 was what they said. Lining grew one mm. Was told to bump the dose back to 75. I was worried because this is the dose that overstimmed me last time. My dr told me not to worry because my estrogen was still low, but climbing slowly.
Third is where they found only one more mm on my lining, so now its 8. As for the follicles, I had an 11 and about 5 tens. My estrogen was above 300 according to my call back. I was told we were going to try to salvage the cycle with another bump in the dose to 112.5 for two days and I got really nervous. She acted like too many follies were responding and I was going to be cancelled again.
This morning is appt four. I have four 12s and three 14s. They are really only looking at the 14s. My lining is at 13 now. I'm waiting for a call about the blood work. She says she not sure if an iui would be done this cycle because I have a lot going on, but she's at least confident enough to hand me a trigger shot. 250ug Ovidrel that I wait for the go ahead to give to myself.
I'm so nervous, I really hope I have a shot this month. I will update after the call.
~~~~~~~~~~
I got the call, and was told the official word was that I was canceled
again. However, since this time there was only 2 follies at 16mm and 3
at 13mm, I didn't have that big of a risk. My issue was e2, it was now
at 1500. I also learned, through my own opks and the blood test that I
was surging on my own, and if I wanted to risk multiples, I could go
ahead and bd at home. I asked if since my e2 was high again, if I risk a
crash and short lp again, the answer I got was "I don't know, it could
be the same, and it could be a different ball game." CD 30 was
appointment day.
This was Thursday, and I had a new appointment for a blood draw the
following Monday. My chart seemed to point to o that night. I wanted to
use my crinone, the progesterone gel, to give myself a chance. I decided
to wait until the blood test confirmed o.
It did not. It was inconclusive. My p4 was only .89 since it was higher than the last draw at .64 the nurse say its likely I ovulated very recently. Since I thought I od, according to temps, opks, breast pain, cramps, cm, cp, and everything else 4 days ago, I was not convinced. Either I hadn't ovulated, or I did and my p4 was already on the way down. I started the crinone anyway, and my temp shot up even higher. I figured even if I didn't o, this would bring on af so I dont need provera again. I HATE the waiting game that is provera. I just want to move on.
I messed up with the gel one day, and my temp went down the following morning and spotting started. I was better about it the next day, however spotting continued. I took a few hpts, all were negative, so I stopped the crinone.
I am so disappointed. I STILL haven't had a shot at getting pregnant. We are now in our 12th month of trying, and we have yet to actually "try".
Ive cried, Ive had a few glasses of wine, and now that the witch arrived I called for my next appointment. I am going to bring up combination cycles, were you take oral meds and injections, in hopes that they pills will keep most of the follicles from responding and help keep e2 levels down, while the fsh works on just a few follies. However I have no idea if they will go for that.
I will also ask when we should consider IVF. DH and I have talked about this being our best option now. My reservations with that are the cost and the fact that our MTF (Military Treatment Facility) only does these 4 times a year, and has a waiting list, and DH will be out of the military in a year. I don't know if we will have Tricare by the time its our turn, let alone for the care by the time our hopeful baby is born. Financially, we have decided to finance it, even though the thought of continuing to pay for a baby that we may not even conceive kills me a little.
It did not. It was inconclusive. My p4 was only .89 since it was higher than the last draw at .64 the nurse say its likely I ovulated very recently. Since I thought I od, according to temps, opks, breast pain, cramps, cm, cp, and everything else 4 days ago, I was not convinced. Either I hadn't ovulated, or I did and my p4 was already on the way down. I started the crinone anyway, and my temp shot up even higher. I figured even if I didn't o, this would bring on af so I dont need provera again. I HATE the waiting game that is provera. I just want to move on.
I messed up with the gel one day, and my temp went down the following morning and spotting started. I was better about it the next day, however spotting continued. I took a few hpts, all were negative, so I stopped the crinone.
I am so disappointed. I STILL haven't had a shot at getting pregnant. We are now in our 12th month of trying, and we have yet to actually "try".
Ive cried, Ive had a few glasses of wine, and now that the witch arrived I called for my next appointment. I am going to bring up combination cycles, were you take oral meds and injections, in hopes that they pills will keep most of the follicles from responding and help keep e2 levels down, while the fsh works on just a few follies. However I have no idea if they will go for that.
I will also ask when we should consider IVF. DH and I have talked about this being our best option now. My reservations with that are the cost and the fact that our MTF (Military Treatment Facility) only does these 4 times a year, and has a waiting list, and DH will be out of the military in a year. I don't know if we will have Tricare by the time its our turn, let alone for the care by the time our hopeful baby is born. Financially, we have decided to finance it, even though the thought of continuing to pay for a baby that we may not even conceive kills me a little.
~~~~~~~~~~
My newest CD 3 appointment was a disappointment as I expected it to be. I
had some pains in my ovaries, so I suspected that my follies were still
there. Turns out I only had 3 major cysts, what took me for a loop was
how big they were. In my right (the one that had two 16mms and a 13mm)
had one at 24mm, and another at 37x27mm! In my left (2 other 13mm) was a
39x27mm. Blood work showed at least one was a functioning cyst,
meaning it was giving off estradiol and would continue to grow, and
respond to all the medication. My e2 level was around 150. Not good.
So the cycle was canceled, needless to say. However, a closer peak showed that even though I had 3 heavy flow days, my lining was still thick and there looked like there was a polyp in my uterus. Its probably not cancerous as they rarely are, but its still scary. It could require a d&c and hysteroscopy and I am not a fan of those at all.
The plan is, since my lining is still to thick to do a saline sonogram now, to wait for another period. Since I don't ovulate or get those on my own anymore, I am back on the pill. Im taking it for 2 weeks, I have another appointment coming up for the saline sono, and we will figure out where to go from there. The hope is that these stupid things will thin my lining and shrink the cysts. I also hope that this will even out some hormones and make it easier for me to ovulate, since the only times I ever conceived was right off the pill. A girl can hope right?
So here I go, finishing off this first year ttc by stopping "shooting up" and going back to "popping pills". I didnt think I'd have to do this in order to GET pregnant.
So the cycle was canceled, needless to say. However, a closer peak showed that even though I had 3 heavy flow days, my lining was still thick and there looked like there was a polyp in my uterus. Its probably not cancerous as they rarely are, but its still scary. It could require a d&c and hysteroscopy and I am not a fan of those at all.
The plan is, since my lining is still to thick to do a saline sonogram now, to wait for another period. Since I don't ovulate or get those on my own anymore, I am back on the pill. Im taking it for 2 weeks, I have another appointment coming up for the saline sono, and we will figure out where to go from there. The hope is that these stupid things will thin my lining and shrink the cysts. I also hope that this will even out some hormones and make it easier for me to ovulate, since the only times I ever conceived was right off the pill. A girl can hope right?
So here I go, finishing off this first year ttc by stopping "shooting up" and going back to "popping pills". I didnt think I'd have to do this in order to GET pregnant.
~~~~~~~~~~
I had my saline sonogram a few days ago. It hurt less than the HSG, but I still got faint as I expected.
DH was right there looking at the big screen that they have hooked up to the ultrasound. I really like that this place does that. I feel less in the dark about whats going on, and I feel like that's very important because its my one body.
Anyway, They did a normal sono right before, showing my lining as ok, and one 2cm cyst in the right, and a 12 mm in the left. I didn't have blood drawn since the pill takes over my hormones, it wouldn't have given us any information.
The dr then inserted a metal speculum, and then the catheter. Then he took the speculum out and put the wand back in. I do not think they inflated any balloon like they did with the hsg because he explained that he was going to put pressure on my cervix with the wand to keep the saline in. I don't think there was a lot of saline, they pushed maybe a syringe or two through. They looked for about 5 min in every level and crevice possible and took tons of stills. I was took the inisial look was clear, but the nurse was going to look over the pictures. Everything was removed while she did that, and at the end of it all I got my answer.
NO POLYPS! That made me feel so much better. I was dreading a polypectomy. (< A blog post by Mel from Stirrup Queens) Ive had a d&c with my last loss, and remember it vividly, and with no fondness. I pictured it being somewhat similar.
All in all, the after was similar to, but better than, the hsg. I was cramping and faint, but I prepared for that better by taking two midols and laying down after the procedure for as long as I needed. I also took a wet paper towel for my forehead for during (don't judge me for my anxiety, please). The cramps happened off and on throughout the rest of the day, just like the hsg. I had spotting for the entire time I have been on the pill. This happens to me in the first three months, as it does to a lot of women. I decided to just deal with it since its shrinking my cysts and I dont need to be on it after this last week of active pills. Two days after the sono was when the spotting got heavier, same as the hsg, but this time it was only the one day as opposed to 10.
My spotting is still light, my sex drive since the pill is almost zero. Its out of the ordinary, since starting ATTC, it is usually through the roof. Acne is another bummer. I usually only get it with progesterone, whether that's after o, or on provera. However the lovely pill that I take EVERY day now contains progesterone. So I'm back to looking like a teenager and not in the good way.
Its just one more week, however, since its summertime I will be doing some traveling. Since I will be out of state several times for more than a few days, I cannot use my injectable fsh. I haven't had much luck latey, but I used to ovulate on day 26 off the pill, so Im crossing my fingers so hard for that to be true THIS time. I have been looking into a more natutal approch and have purchased two books.
One being Taking Charge of your Fertility which is very well known in the ATTC community and I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't have a copy until now. The other being The Infertility Cure which is an Eastern medicine way of looking at infertility. I have been taking some supplements and doing a few other "natural" things to help me out on my 3 months off of treatment. I will write a blog post about this in more detail once I actually stop the pill and start this TCM thing for real.
~~~~~~~~~~
This is more of a vent than anything. I have posted this on my favorite BB, so a lot of my readers have seen this already.
I don't ovulate, I haven't had a tww in almost a year. And that tww meant nothing because thanks to dhs job, he was out of state during o.
I haven't had the hope or excitement that meant I could stop bding for two whole weeks and just give up control for a well deserved break.
Sure I've poas, but no real thoughts of that second pink line showing up because the logical side of me know, there is no possible way.
I can not wait to have a tww! I would do anything to be in the position to wait for something good rather then waiting a year to ovulate.
And it never happens. Not on Clomid. Not on femara. Not on gonal f. Relaxing didn't help. Vitamins didn't help. Castor packs didn't help. Soy iso didn't help. Cutting dairy didn't help. Nothing is helping.
I'm here, stagnant. Constantly at the ready, tempting, check opks in hopes this surge is the one, squinting at ferning slides to see if my estrogen is truly surging again, feeling my cervix trying to see how high and soft it really is compared to yesterday, hoping today's cm has finally changed from creamy to watery at the very least. Making sure I bd as often as possible, even if I dont want to. Telling dh that my temp still hasn't gone up, and we can't stop yet.
Its exhausting. I'd love to have the chance to conceive, because you know what? I haven't even had a chance yet! Not in over a year.
Sure with injectables I got some hope, followed by canceled cycles and cysts. Every time.
After all this crap, I'd love to have two measly little weeks to just sit back and see what happens. Leave it to fate, rather than my pee sticks and digital thermometer.
And if I get a bfn and af, oh well. Because you know what? Getting af on my own would be a treat! I have to wait, and wait for CD 40 at the least, then wait for an appointment, then wait in the lab for blood tests, then wait for the results, then wait to get a script for provera, then wait for it to be filled, then take it for ten days and wait for it to work.
Yeah, two weeks doesn't sound that bad.
As far as updates go, we are breaking from meds for now because Im going out of state for a week without dh. I hoped I could fit one more low, slow and steady round of gonal f before I left, but I had 3 huge cysts and a possible polyp.
I had to go back on the pill, then AF took her time showing up. That left no time. So the plan is when I get back, do an assessment. If everything is quiet, I can start a low dose gonal f again. I think 37.5, and drag that out as long as it takes. However we did that last cycle and all the follies were still slowly responding anyway. If not, probably provera first unless Im about to o on my own.
Dh and I only want to try this one more time before doing ivf. Its not covered by tricare, but fortunately our post does them 3-4 times a year for a discounted price. I'll cost around $6000 and we have to finance it. And wait 6 months.
I don't ovulate, I haven't had a tww in almost a year. And that tww meant nothing because thanks to dhs job, he was out of state during o.
I haven't had the hope or excitement that meant I could stop bding for two whole weeks and just give up control for a well deserved break.
Sure I've poas, but no real thoughts of that second pink line showing up because the logical side of me know, there is no possible way.
I can not wait to have a tww! I would do anything to be in the position to wait for something good rather then waiting a year to ovulate.
And it never happens. Not on Clomid. Not on femara. Not on gonal f. Relaxing didn't help. Vitamins didn't help. Castor packs didn't help. Soy iso didn't help. Cutting dairy didn't help. Nothing is helping.
I'm here, stagnant. Constantly at the ready, tempting, check opks in hopes this surge is the one, squinting at ferning slides to see if my estrogen is truly surging again, feeling my cervix trying to see how high and soft it really is compared to yesterday, hoping today's cm has finally changed from creamy to watery at the very least. Making sure I bd as often as possible, even if I dont want to. Telling dh that my temp still hasn't gone up, and we can't stop yet.
Its exhausting. I'd love to have the chance to conceive, because you know what? I haven't even had a chance yet! Not in over a year.
Sure with injectables I got some hope, followed by canceled cycles and cysts. Every time.
After all this crap, I'd love to have two measly little weeks to just sit back and see what happens. Leave it to fate, rather than my pee sticks and digital thermometer.
And if I get a bfn and af, oh well. Because you know what? Getting af on my own would be a treat! I have to wait, and wait for CD 40 at the least, then wait for an appointment, then wait in the lab for blood tests, then wait for the results, then wait to get a script for provera, then wait for it to be filled, then take it for ten days and wait for it to work.
Yeah, two weeks doesn't sound that bad.
As far as updates go, we are breaking from meds for now because Im going out of state for a week without dh. I hoped I could fit one more low, slow and steady round of gonal f before I left, but I had 3 huge cysts and a possible polyp.
I had to go back on the pill, then AF took her time showing up. That left no time. So the plan is when I get back, do an assessment. If everything is quiet, I can start a low dose gonal f again. I think 37.5, and drag that out as long as it takes. However we did that last cycle and all the follies were still slowly responding anyway. If not, probably provera first unless Im about to o on my own.
Dh and I only want to try this one more time before doing ivf. Its not covered by tricare, but fortunately our post does them 3-4 times a year for a discounted price. I'll cost around $6000 and we have to finance it. And wait 6 months.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry I haven't written in a while. As you know, I was traveling without
dh out of state. Since I would be too far away from my REs office for
monitoring and not even with dh, we couldn't do medication until I got
back.
Well I recently got back and made my appt for a baseline scan and blood work. I couldn't get in for a few days, but I figured I waited 26 days whats 4 more? I started getting major ewcm! It went on for a few days, and I was out of opks. I just figured it was nothing, and even though I never really got ewcm for more than one day, a super power such as ovulating, just isnt something that I can do anymore.
Or so I thought. One day, without much sleep, I got a somewhat high temperature. I chalked this up to only getting 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep after driving dh to work (car troubles left us with only one car, but that's another story). Then my cm dried up and cp lowered. I also got hot flashes, which is a sign of low estrogen. Estrogen lowers once an egg is released. Still, I didn't think much of it and my appt was the nest day. That morning's temp was even higher. Maybe, just maybe, my body did something. On cd 28 no less, when the "normals" are ending their cycles. This is also the cd I conceived dd, and only 2 days after my previous normal o day (when I still ovulated 5-6 years ago).
I get to my appt, really nervous, Its been awhile since I got blood work done, however, it went well. I waited in the room, and when the nurses got there I explained that I had some high temps, and asked if they could detect ovulation at only 2dpo. They said that it really depends, sometimes not. They took a look, and said while there is free fluid floating around, they couldn't see a clear corpus luteum. This is the collapsed follicle that produces progesterone after ovulation. BUT, they did see something. Luckily, there were not very many other follicles at all. So if we do have another cycle for meds, we should get a better response.
Luckily, I did my blood draw just early enough for the results to be there at the end of my scan. Progesterone was 4.8! I indeed ovulated on cd 28. I walked out with a smile, and the advice to take a test in ten days.
I came home an explained to dh that we would not be doing medication. He had a mini flip out, and wondered why we are never given a real chance. I explained to him he real reason, and he was even more upset. He is very unhappy with the amount of sex we had. The last day being the night before ovulation (which I think happened in the morning).
So, while he is discouraged and wants the cycle to be over so we can do meds and an iui next time, I have confidence that this is it.
I got really excited to at 8dpo, and tested with my last wondfo.... and.....BFN womp womp. Even a faint line wouldn't convince me, as I had plenty of those without even ovulating.
I would like to list my symptoms, I am a firm believer in the fact that if symptoms were indeed caused by hcg (the pregnancy hormone that keeps the CL alive and producing progesterone) it would be high enough to cause a positive pregnancy test. Since I have a negative, and these symptoms, they are NOT from pregnancy. Its just progesterone from ovulating.
8dpo
I had hot flashes at night, like I have every night since ovulation
Sore breasts, also since ovulation,but moving from medium to high pain on 5dpo
Nausea, which started a tad last night and a bit today, which I blame on peak progesterone at 7dpo
Exhaustion, blamed on quitting caffeine and the nonstop cleaning I was doing to prepare for mil
Sneezing and cold like symptoms, which I blame on bug spray and cleaning products used today.
Well I recently got back and made my appt for a baseline scan and blood work. I couldn't get in for a few days, but I figured I waited 26 days whats 4 more? I started getting major ewcm! It went on for a few days, and I was out of opks. I just figured it was nothing, and even though I never really got ewcm for more than one day, a super power such as ovulating, just isnt something that I can do anymore.
Or so I thought. One day, without much sleep, I got a somewhat high temperature. I chalked this up to only getting 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep after driving dh to work (car troubles left us with only one car, but that's another story). Then my cm dried up and cp lowered. I also got hot flashes, which is a sign of low estrogen. Estrogen lowers once an egg is released. Still, I didn't think much of it and my appt was the nest day. That morning's temp was even higher. Maybe, just maybe, my body did something. On cd 28 no less, when the "normals" are ending their cycles. This is also the cd I conceived dd, and only 2 days after my previous normal o day (when I still ovulated 5-6 years ago).
I get to my appt, really nervous, Its been awhile since I got blood work done, however, it went well. I waited in the room, and when the nurses got there I explained that I had some high temps, and asked if they could detect ovulation at only 2dpo. They said that it really depends, sometimes not. They took a look, and said while there is free fluid floating around, they couldn't see a clear corpus luteum. This is the collapsed follicle that produces progesterone after ovulation. BUT, they did see something. Luckily, there were not very many other follicles at all. So if we do have another cycle for meds, we should get a better response.
Luckily, I did my blood draw just early enough for the results to be there at the end of my scan. Progesterone was 4.8! I indeed ovulated on cd 28. I walked out with a smile, and the advice to take a test in ten days.
I came home an explained to dh that we would not be doing medication. He had a mini flip out, and wondered why we are never given a real chance. I explained to him he real reason, and he was even more upset. He is very unhappy with the amount of sex we had. The last day being the night before ovulation (which I think happened in the morning).
So, while he is discouraged and wants the cycle to be over so we can do meds and an iui next time, I have confidence that this is it.
I got really excited to at 8dpo, and tested with my last wondfo.... and.....BFN womp womp. Even a faint line wouldn't convince me, as I had plenty of those without even ovulating.
I would like to list my symptoms, I am a firm believer in the fact that if symptoms were indeed caused by hcg (the pregnancy hormone that keeps the CL alive and producing progesterone) it would be high enough to cause a positive pregnancy test. Since I have a negative, and these symptoms, they are NOT from pregnancy. Its just progesterone from ovulating.
8dpo
I had hot flashes at night, like I have every night since ovulation
Sore breasts, also since ovulation,but moving from medium to high pain on 5dpo
Nausea, which started a tad last night and a bit today, which I blame on peak progesterone at 7dpo
Exhaustion, blamed on quitting caffeine and the nonstop cleaning I was doing to prepare for mil
Sneezing and cold like symptoms, which I blame on bug spray and cleaning products used today.
~~~~~~~~~~
I have been hesitant to post this
I wanted this to be out there to give information to the women who don't ovulate or have pcos. I wanted to be the one they could sympathize or empathize with. I wanted this to be a current blog with new information pouring in. The only ones I have found, stop dead after a year or a few months. Some changing to pregnancy or mommy blogs, totally forgetting the struggles they went through to get there. Others just gave up hope because they never got their take home baby. It all left me feeling high and dry. I don't want to do that to you guys.
Maybe I should talk about my update so you know what Im talking about. The next day after my 8dpo post, I took another cheapie test I had.
At this point they are invalid, one is way past its time, and they are both out of the case. However, since my life has been a science experiment for over a year now, why stop today. So I tweaked them a bit with saturation, and inverting the colors.
So at this point I have my hopes up a little, I post the original on Countdown to Pregnancy and got it pretty equally voted between positive, negative, and evap. I was leaning towards evap as well.
Next day, at 10dpo, dh is home and I want to surprise him. So I'm holding all the while awake and waiting for him to get up and leave the bedroom. (Our bathroom with the tests in it is attached to the bedroom.) Once he does, I pee in my handy cup and use my second First Signal. Nothing shows right away, so I'm bummed (with dd it was immediate once the dye went past the strip), but I wait. At about 3 mins, I see the line. About the same as the tweaked pic from 9dpo. So I break out the frer. All the while wondering if I'm going to regret wasting my last one.
I was able to hide it, but it didn't last long. He kept asking when was a good time to test. If I could test today, or tomorrow. I told him today might be a good day, but that I would in the am and show him. He just wouldn't drop it, so I told him I would take one in a few hours. I had to hold me pee first. He seemed to hide his excitement well, but he would ask every once in a while when I was going to the bathroom. When I did, and asked him to look at the results himself. He said he didn't know how to read one, but I told him it spells it out for you.
This is what I got.
So I called my re for blood work, that eventually looked great. First beta at 12dpo was 60 and the second at 14dpo was 158.7. A doubling time of 32 hours.
I would like to say, that I still plan on writing about infertility and not so much about lovey dovey baby and pregnancy stuff. If I feel that its relevant to the struggle I will update, mainly because I am high risk and have had miscarriages before. I will still see my re for the first 12 weeks.
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